Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I put my faith in the wrong things.

"The man of the world will let you down but Jesus never will." While we were doing a VBS in India some of the kids taught us this song. The song goes on to say that your mom, dad, grandpa, and so on will let you down but Jesus never will. That song has stayed close to my heart since I've been back and now I'm reminding myself of it once again.

I was scared when I found out I was pregnant. It was a surprise and we had never finished all the testing to see why we lost the other babies. I started off by going to a new doctor. I really liked him and he was very understanding. He wanted to send me to a specialist for more testing.

I was excited when I walked into the new doctor's office. After I got over the shock that we were having twins I was anxious to meet my new doctor. She was amazing. She asked detailed questions and wanted Rene and I to have genetic testing. I had done a lot of research and also had a list of tests that I wanted. She agreed and I had my blood drawn that day.

I couldn't believe that after five years and three losses I might actually find out what was wrong and I had a chance to save these babies. I put my faith in my new doctor and even a specific blood test. I was even starting to plan out how I would give myself daily shots to help prevent the blood clotting disorder I was sure that I had.

Last Wednesday I had the rug pulled out from under me. My doctor called with the lab results. Everything came back negative, everything. That's great news; medically there was no reason why we would lose the babies. The only thing that I heard was we have now idea why you have lost the babies. There was nothing left that she could do for me and she was sending me back to my other doctor. I was devastated.

I was an emotional wreck that day and I didn't know what to do. I knew that no matter what happened I would be OK; we've been through this before and I knew God would get us through it. I just didn't want to go through it again.

After a lot of prayer and a few phone calls (thank you Michelle!)I leaned into Him. That's all that I had left. I put my faith in a doctor and a blood test and that let me down. Where does that leave me? I'm thirteen weeks pregnant, my belly is growing everyday, I'm learning to enjoy each day of this blessing from God, and I know that I have an awesome God that will never leave me.

"Though the sorrow may last through the night, the joy comes with the morning." I'm clinging to this and reminding myself that I will get through this.


MLasch said...

I continue to pray for you daily, not only for the health of the babies, but that God would make Himself SO REAL to you. He gives us peace that passes understanding. That doesn't mean better than understanding or when we don't understand. It means that His peace skips the "understanding" part altogether.

I pray that He covers you from head to toe in His peace - a peace and an assurance that only comes from HIM!

I love you, Jenny!!!!!!!!!

Lori said...

I second all that Michelle said.

You are an awesome woman and I envy your faith. I pray that one day I can be the awesome Christian example for Dominic that you are for your boys.

I have no doubt that God is with you. And yes, you will get through this!

Rachel said...

You are such a blessing Jenny! Like Lori and Michelle I also will continue to pray for you, Rene, the boys, and the babies!